Somehow, Italy seems like more fun.

I've been home for about a week and a half now and things are getting back to normal.  I still have no sense of time, which is evidenced in my having missed putting out the garbage on garbage day twice now.  I've also been going to bed insanely early, and waking up about 4:00am, so for the last couple of days I've been relying on the caffeine in diet coke to keep me up past 9:00.

Alberta has been hit with a doozy of a snow storm. I've spent the week absolutely freezing, which I thought was psychosomatic because of the cold outside.  Last night, I remembered that I'd changed the batteries in the programable thermostat at 5:00am on Monday (when it's usually pretty cool in here).  I remembered being surprised that the temperature immediately showed as being 21C but I wasn't alert enough to think more of it.  So, after being freezing for a week, I finally caught on and reset the thermostat.  Right away, it showed that it was 17.5C  in here, not 21C as it'd said earlier and started warming up. It's good to know that I'm not losing my mind.

Back to the snow storm, I was supposed to go to Edmonton today but can't because of the snow.  Edmonton got 31cm in a day, and they're still digging out.  Around here, I think we got that much, but it was spread out over three days so that I had to shovel eight times... which is maybe a good thing because I can't jog in this weather and need to get my exercise somehow.   I'm also going to Zumba this afternoon - this time with shoes - and am not yet convinced that it won't kill me.  I'm pretty sure that my jeans feel tighter now than they did while I was on vacation.  Whodda thunk that I'd manage to spend three weeks in the land of pizza and pasta - lose weight while there - and then come home and pack on the pounds?

In other news, which isn't very good, I just came back from a vet appointment with Cotton.  He's been coughing a lot and losing weight.  He's had a heart murmur for a while now, but it looks like it's progressed to the beginnings of heart failure.  The vet hopes that, having caught it early, we can turn things around with the right medication.  I really hope she's right.

I promised Ginny that I'd keep a daily diary of our trip to Italy.  She did one too, and wants to combine them together.  I did well for a while, and then stopped writing sometime around Sorrento.  I really need to finish that up, and finish going through and cleaning up all the pictures I took.  Don't be surprised if I post after the fact entires about some of the places we visited.

Random Stuff to know

• I have four work day left before I am on vacation.  It can't come soon enough.
• Tomorrow, a friend and I are trying out a new kind of dance classes.  A few years ago, we took chair tease dance classes, and although we never developed any real skills, we had all sorts of laughs.  We liked the teacher, so when we heard she's running dance classes for fitness, we thought we'd give it a chance.  I think it'll be a cross between zumba, burlesque and chair dancing but am not absolutely sure.
• I haven't been in the mood to cook for a couple of weeks.  I've been eating sandwiches and omelettes almost non-stop, so I really need some vegetables.  I've got cauliflower and beets roasting in the oven beside a ham right now, but all I really want is a pb&j.
• I've been jogging now for about 6 weeks.  I try (and usually succeed) to go 5km three times a week.  After six weeks of steadily gaining weight, the scale finally turned around and went in the right direction on Saturday.  
• Before you tell me that I was gaining weight because muscle weighs more than fat, I know.  I'm currently wearing shorts that sat in my closet with their tags on for five years because I couldn't get them over my hips.  They're baggy now.  Even so, that dang number on the scale is too high.
• Those shorts I'm wearing?  I've been wearing them for three days straight.  It's cold outside, and I've been running around the house in a tshirt and tap shorts (emphasis on the and bare legs)... because I can.  I've had to dig out the fuzzy blankets a little early this year, but I'm just not ready to put on the fleece.

5km

I jogged 5km this morning.  Well, it was 5.18 actually, and since I felt every step, I'm going to claim it.

After last year's failed efforts, I was afraid to try jogging again, but I realize now that I just tried too soon after my surgery.  A few weeks ago, it occurred to me that I am almost 18 months post surgery; I feel great, and there was no reason not to try again.

So, I jogged a km.  (Last year, I could barely go a block).  Then I did a km and a half.  The next time was 3km, then 4.5 km and now 5(.18)km.

I am slow.   But, as the saying goes:  Slow is better than Did Not Finish, which trumps Did Not Start.

5km has always been the big goal for me.  Now that I reached that, I'll work on the speed, and then maybe up the distance to 8km.

$100

I have finally reached the point in my weight loss that I could no longer put off acquiring some new clothes.    It was getting embarrassing, my old clothes are so baggy, but at the same time, I really didn't want to spend a lot of money on clothes that I hope won't fit me for much longer.  And, then there's the upcoming Italy trip to consider... I don't want to look like a hobo while I'm over there.

And so, I shopped sales and stretched some dollars.  If you can still find them, leftover fall/winter stuff can be purchased at a great price near the end of the summer... and that's what I did.   I also took advantage of some back to school sales and got a couple pairs of jeans for $20 each.   (And they were a size smaller than I expected them to be thankyouverymuch!)

Then, I hit just about every store in town, looking for shirts that would "do".  I really had very little choice in colour or style at that price.  They aren't fancy, but they were $10 or less and they fit me.

I threw my new favourite necklace on top of the pile because it goes with every single one of those shirts - almost looks like it was made to match each one exactly... except you can't tell that in the picture.  So, take my word for it: the necklace goes with each one of those shirts.  And, it (or maybe a scarf or two) will be worn frequently in Italy, to class up my $10 solid colour t-shirts.

I also got a fleece jacket, which is more for wearing around the house than to take on the trip.  I didn't realize until I got home that the arms are a little longer than usual, and there are slits cut into the cuffs.  

As somebody who grew up being told constantly to pull my hands out of my sleeves, I don't know if I should cheer about this little fashion statement, or begrudge its late arrival.

All in all, though, I think that two pairs of jeans, 5 T-shirts and a hoody's not too shabby for (just under) $100.

The C Word

I've had a few weepy days lately, after finding a lump last week.  I'm not one who does self-exams with any sort of regularity, but found it after feeling achy for a few days .   I know that the chances of it being cancer are low, but the pain and the fact that I can't remember the last time I checked somehow made it seem scarier.

I called to get an appointment to see the doctor, hoping that I'd made it all up in my head and that he'd say it is nothing.  He didn't - he felt a definite lump and wanted it checked out further.  

I was scheduled for an ultrasound and mammogram (what fun!), this morning.  The tech said that they didn't see anything to worry about.  Maybe I should wait until the report comes back from the radiologist until it's official, but I'm guessing now that I'm in the clear.

The moral of this story is: if you don't do your self exams now, you should start.  Even if you don't find anything, at least then you'll know.  Because if someday you do find something, it'd be easier  to handle if you knew that you were good just a few weeks ago.  I can tell you from experience that it's no walk in the park to have to wonder not just what that lump is, but also how long it's been growing.

Randomosity

There's a nursery in town that puts their plants on sale for the Canada Day long weekend.  If you can fit it on a tray, you can have it for $10.  Moosepants, the little V's and I headed out there first thing yesterday morning. (I mistakenly thought there would be crazy crowds, so I talked Moosepants into going at the butt crack of dawn... oops.)  I bought a tray and a half of annuals, and a weeping potted tomato plant, hoping that I'll end up with oodles of grape tomatoes.  Then I forgot my half tray in Moosepants' truck... oops again.

That actually worked out because when I got home, I realized that I'd bought all relatively tall plants, and didn't have anything shorter for the borders.    After I put my tray of tall plants in, I had a good idea of what short plants to get and how many, so I went back and got them.

The back garden is now done for the year.  It's not how I envision it in the long term, but since I can't plant trees, I think I need a while to mull over and rework my plans.  In the meantime, I planted corn along the back to give me some height.  That area is fairly shady, so I don't expect them to produce; but if the corn plants grow as tall as I hope they will, I might have found a reasonable workaround.

• In other news, I got two pretty great compliments in the last couple of days.  One came from the family down the road, who was having a BBQ at their place.  They wandered down to my yard with about 6 of their guests. Through the open window, I heard them saying "this" was the yard they'd been talking about and wasn't it pretty - then they debated about whether or not some of my plants are real

• The other compliment that I got is something that you'd have to have known me for a while to understand.    Although I'm quite healthy now, I had some issues a while back that resulted in grossly swollen feet and ankles.   The lady that waxes my legs the other day commented "Jeez - your feet are boney".  She may have been referring to my recent weight loss but either way,  it great was to hear.

• Finally, on the weight-loss tangent, I calculated my BMI the other day.   I'm happy to report that I am no longer obese!  I'm "just" fat - and on track towards a healthy (yet to be determined exactly) goal weight.

• I've got the next week off as vacation from work.   My plans are to do more yardwork, hopefully go visit a friend in Calgary, and then come back and hang out with the nephews who will be in town at the end of the week.

Things I know to be true

Shrinking out of your clothes is a double edged sword when you're losing weight.  It's great to know that you now fit smaller sizes, but if you live on a tight budget and plan to lose a significant amount of weight, it can be difficult to  justify buying clothes that you hope won't fit you for long.    So, you wear baggy pants in the meantime.

Pants that used to be too tight are now a size or two too big.  I wear them anyway, and hide them under baggy shirts.   I don't want to spend money on clothes until I get closer to my goal weight and size.  Since I work from home, I can usually get away with this.

The one thing that I have learned the hard way, however, is that while a belt may hold up baggy pants, there isn't much you can do about the skivvies underneath that keep slipping down because they're two sizes too big.

Delayed Gratification

I've been trying really hard to lose weight.  The week before last, I was close to reaching the 25 pounds down mark, so I went out and bought myself a reward.  I knew it was premature, but having given up chocolate a few weeks before that, I was pretty sure it would happen.  Then I got on the scale last Saturday and was shocked to see I'd gained 2.5 pounds.  No reward for me.

After that, I rejigged the diet plan.  Chocolate is still out.  I also committed to drinking a lot more water everyday and cut out an additional 400 calories.  I am working to keep my calorie sources to a ratio of 50% carbs, 30% fats and 20% protein. Happily, it has paid off.  When I weighed myself today, I was down 5 pounds... with a total loss of 26 pounds.

These are my reward:

Next time, my reward will likely be new pants.  The ones I've got are getting kind of baggy.

Do you...

...Hula?

I call this picture "The Tallulah Hula".

I've been looking for new, interesting ways to get exercise lately; and being a cheapskate of a homebody, I give extra credits to things that I can do without leaving the house.

I decided to give the old Hula Hoop a try.  Not having done this for the last 30 years, I'm a wee bit out of practice.  For the first twenty minutes or so, I couldn't do better than spinning the hoop around myself 3 times before it dropped.  But, I'm figuring it out.  I have to lose the hip swivel that I learned in dance class, and go for the full body fluctuation.  I worked on it for about an hour on and off, and I'm up to 28 rotations without dropping the hoop.  And holy cow, could I feel it.  I had no idea that a childhood game took so much work.

Tallulah likes the new hoop. 
 Apparently, it reminds her of early agility and obedience days, where she was trained to go to her "place" (usually delineated with hula hoops).

For obvious reasons, the dogs are not allowed in the room while I'm doing this.  I don't want anybody to get knocked in the noggin by a flying hula hoop, so I make them leave the room and close the door.

I also close the curtains, because I wouldn't want anybody to see my wild, gyrating attempts to overcome gravity.  But, after I had been at it for about 10 minutes, I happened to notice something.

I had an audience.

It was the snickering that gave him away.

Unhappy

Tallulah Belle Poodle is not impressed.  The bike has been dusted off.  The tires have been repaired, the Springer is attached.  

There isn't much in life that Tallulah isn't willing to try.  In fact, she tried the Springer at first, and loved it.  She barked at me as we rode, egging me on to go faster.  Most of the time, I could barely peddle fast enough to keep up with her.  And then, I had an accident of stupidity.  I got off the bike, and left her attached.  She pulled it, the bike fell on her.  She tried to scramble out of the way, and the bike followed.  It was all very traumatic and scary.

That was about 4 years ago.  I spent a few summers after that, working with her and trying to prove to her that the bike won't hurt her anymore.  We got her to the point that she wasn't traumatized when I hooked her up.  She'd eat bits garlic sausage when I passed them to her and I even caught her at moments with her pompom tail stuck straight up.  Then, we took a break for a few years because I wasn't feeling well.

We're starting at square one again.  Even though the bike is a scary instrument of poodle torture that must be avoided at all costs, I was a meanie last night and took her out for about a half hour.  Offers of cheese were refused, but after about 5-10 minutes she stopped looking like she was being abused.   That's not to say that she enjoyed herself - she just didn't hate it as much as she thought she would.

Tonight, we tried again.  She made it clear to me that she was unhappy, so we came home after 15 minutes.    I'm going to keep trying though.  She loved it once, and I hope to teach her to love it again.  I think I'm going to have to up the anti though.  I think I'm going to have to replace the cheddar cheese with some kobasa.

As fast as a speeding warthog.

Because I really do want to be accountable here about my goal to start running again, I thought I'd give an update.

It's not going well.  I am continuing to persevere, but I have not made the progress I was hoping for.  First, there are some post-surgical complications that I didn't plan on.  If you've ever had a baby or lower abdominal surgery, I suspect you know of what I speak.  Needless to say, there are times when it really isn't advisable for me to be exercising without easy and fast access to home.

To get around that, I've been running around the close I live in.  It's a pretty big close, so it's better than running on a track, but this has its own complications.  The first time I run around, the neighbours give me a big wave with a smile.  The second time, I get a weird look and a small wave.  The third time, they pretend not to see me, and by the fifth lap, I've reinforced my reputation as the neighbourhood weirdo.

Today was a pretty good day, so I headed out on a bigger loop, out to the main road, and around the subdivision.  The first half of the run went pretty well, but I ended up walking home.  I really need to find some better stretching exercises, because my calves were killing me.    I used to have (but have since lost) a great list of stretches that had stick drawings and everything.  I remember pulling it out before and after I went for a run each time to make sure I was doing it right.  If nothing else, I became more flexible doing those than I was prior to taking up running; but holy cow, am I tied up in a knot lately.  Once I start getting too tired, my left foot starts slapping down as I run, and if I'm not careful, I'll start veering off to that side.  Elegant, I'm not.

But, I have to start somewhere, right?  Right now, I doubt I'm going to make my goal of 8km by August.  I'm reworking that goal now, to a few smaller goals.  1.  Keep jogging, aim to run three times every week, all summer and beyond.  2.  Try to get better and go further every week.

Outside Cat, Inside Dog

I believe quite strongly that cats should live indoors only - especially long haired white cats who want to stay clean - but Winter would be an outside cat if I let him.  If there's an open window, he'll be there.  He's a sucker for the fresh air.  Since there's a direct line from the front door to the back door in this house, you can get a serious breeze blowing through when all the windows and doors are opened.  Himself loves the breeze.

I opened up the windows mid-afternoon today, and he hasn't moved since.

No, I still haven't figured out how to make that cat bed less tacky.

In other news, I started running again last week.  I figure that since I'm not sick anymore, I don't have any more excuses.  I'm going to get back into shape, and I'm going to lose a lot of weight.  I tell you this for two reasons:  one is that the more people who know about my attempts to become a jogger again, the more pressure I'll feel to keep it up.  The other reason is because I can't decide what to do with Cotton.

Cotton has definitely become an "old" dog this year.  He's going blind, and he's less active.  But.  he's only 10 1/2.  Maltese can live into their late teens, so I'm not ready to give up on him yet.    A few years ago, based on his size, I left him at home when I took up jogging.  Except, he did go with me one night for about 3km.  I expected that I'd have to carry him, but he actually did very well.  He was happy as a clam the entire time.

This time, I'm not yet able to run straight through the 25-30 minutes that I'm out.  I run for a few minutes, walk for a bit and then go back to running; and will work up to running straight through.  The first time I went out, I had both dogs and wasn't intending to jog.  (I talked myself into it mid-walk.)  Cotton did fairly well, but dragged a bit at the end.  Last night, against my better judgement, I took Cotton with me again.   We jogged most of the 25 minutes that we were out there, and Cotton struggled.  At one point, I had to pick him up and carry him... which really didn't work well for me.  But, after he had been carried for a few minutes and had the break he needed, he went back onto the ground and very happily ran ahead of me until we got home.

So, now I'm torn.  I know that Cotton can't come with me when it gets hot outside, or when I work up to my goal of 5 and then 8km.  But, I wonder if I'm doing him good or harm to bring him with me while I'm at my slowest, and running the shorter distances.  Will it get easier for him, the way it gets easier for me, or am I putting undue stress on his aging body?

Common senses tells me to take him for a short walk before I go jogging, and then take Tallulah for the run and leave him at home.  The problem is telling him no, when he so clearly wants to come along.

Letting myself go

I haven't felt quite right for the last year or so. I've been really tired, and feeling out of shape. It's frustrating, because a year ago I was jogging (fairly regularly) and could go up to 8kms at a time. Then, jogging became too hard and I stopped. Then I stopped working out almost entirely and I started to gain weight.

The more weight I gained, the harder being active seemed. The harder being active seemed, the more weight I gained.

I've been very frustrated with myself, and more than a little embarrassed at my fitness level.

I did go to a doctor when all of this started. He took a blood test and found nothing wrong. I can't say that I was overly fond of him, but I didn't doubt his knowledge as a Dr. Then, things seemed to get a lot worse this spring. My feet swelled so badly that I couldn't wear shoes. Walking up a flight of stairs will have me out of breath for at least a few minutes. Jogging or riding a bike? Not even a consideration, really.

So, back to the clinic I went. I saw a different Dr this time, but still didn't get the attention I thought I deserved. (I wrote about the first few visits HERE.) The Dr didn't seem to take me seriously, and I didn't feel as though he gave me his full attention. He did tell me that my iron and protein are a little low; but he didn't delve into the reason why. He just told me to eat more meat, and called it a day.

I vented about this Dr to my dad, and complained how hard it has been for me to find a Dr that I like. (Alberta has a shortage of family doctors, so most of the good ones are so busy that they don't accept new patients any more. As a result, most people - including me - end up going to walk-in clinics for assembly-line medicine.)

What I didn't expect is for my dad to be such a gossip. He's a retired Dr, and must have run off and repeated my story to a few of his cronies. The next thing I knew, I had an email from one of my dad's friends who had taken it upon himself to get me an appointment with a new family doctor (who otherwise isn't accepting new patients).

The appointment was early this week, and I really like the new doctor. He's the kind who shows you your test results, tells you what he's looking for and talks to you like you've got a half a brain. It turns out that the results from my tests show that my iron isn't "a little low". It's less than half the minimum recommended amount. So's my protein level.

No wonder I'm always feeling so tired!

Without getting too far into details, I'm going to need surgery to fix the source of the problem. I am to see a specialist on Monday to hammer out the details.

Until this week's appointment, I'd been ragging on myself for being out of shape, and trying to push myself to do more... and better. When I walk my dogs at night (taking an hour now, to go the distance that used to take a half hour) I've been feeling guilty that I'm only walking a short distance, instead of jogging. I was embarrassed that I dropped out of the boot camp fitness class, and really embarrassed about how out of breath I become when I take the stairs.

Now, I feel like I finally have permission to be less than 100%. Yesterday, for the first time that I can remember, I did absolutely nothing after I got home from work, other than watch tv and walk the dogs. I'm taking the elevator now, and feeling no shame about it. I've been going to bed by 9:30 at night because I'm tired... all the time. (Somehow, having permission to be tired makes me almost feel more tired than I even did before.)

Do I like being overweight and out of shape? No. Nor do I plan to let this be a long-term condition. Despite the two doctors that I was seeing earlier, I have faith in the health care system. I'm going to go for my surgery, get healthy, get my energy back and then get back into better shape. Until then, I feel like I've got permission to let myself go. And dammit; right now, that feels pretty good.

Details

The day after the workout of your life - when your sides hurt so badly that you needed to lean on your dog in order to get out of bed - you might be tempted to take shortcuts when getting dressed. It may seem as though a skirt would be easier to get into than a pair of pants. That's probably true. However, I'd recommend thinking long and hard about having to get into the control top pantyhose before you decide to go with the skirt.




... I'm just sayin'...

Crazy

I hate mornings.
I hate exercise for the sake of exercise.
I hate being bossed around, and doing anything for no reason other than that's what I'm told.

Knowing all that, doesn't it make sense that I've signed up for boot camp fitness classes?

Classes start at 5:30am tomorrow.