Sunday, July 14, 2013

And so it goes

The Boy and I have had an undercurrent of tension on one topic, almost from the start.  He's a spender and I'm a saver.  This came up in discussion numerous times, and I'll admit to being stressed a little bit more, every time he made another significant purchase that, in my mind, seemed unnecessary.

Since about February, plans have been for him to move in here once his lease is up and, although he'd pay rent, it would only be a small amount to help cover half of what I currently pay in mortgage.  There has been no talk of him helping to cover the costs of finishing the basement to make more room for him.

Last week, we hashed it out again, and I tried to simplify/rationalize my point of view.  He has a significant debt and no savings.  He says he has no intention of letting me support him but he hasn't done anything to provide for his own future - if not me, who?  He said that he doesn't save because money doesn't matter to him, and that stuff isn't important.  I turned that around on him and asked him why, if it doesn't matter, he can't set some aside for later.  He'll certainly be living on next to nothing in the future if he keeps on they way he's been going, so why can't he live on a little bit less now?  I wasn't asking him to pay me, just to start saving for himself.

The very next day, without saying anything to me until it was done, he bought a sports car.

Although he is a wonderful man and I will miss him dearly, we have decided that our beliefs are too far apart on this fundamental issue, and have parted ways.


  1. Janice the missing him dearly part is tough. But as I kept reading my red flags popped up for you. Just from past experience which was ages ago, 42 years about, it shouldn't be that difficult. I know that you are quite a bit younger than I am and things are different now but when it works it works and all those questions just don't pop up. I was engaged before I met CH and I had all kinds of questions like yours. The relationship was already full of doubts. I broke if off. I met CH and it just felt right. Not all the questions and how would we work this out or that. It just flowed. I think you listened to that voice we all have inside that keeps us safe. Intuition is a wonderful thing.

  2. A sigh of relief washed over me when I read your last sentence. Luckily you came to this realization sooner rather than later.