A Clothing Quandary

He's taking me out to a fancy restaurant in Calgary for New Year's.  On the way, he wants to stop at a favourite provincial park of his, so that we can do some winter photography together.

Considering that we'll be hiking in the cold first, and then going out where we'll be expected to dress up, I don't know what to wear.  This is complicated by the fact that I currently own one fancy-ish blouse, and I wore it when we went out on our first date.  

Guy #2

I haven't said much about guy #2 yet.  Mostly,  that's because I haven't been sure what to say.    At first, I almost stopped seeing him  because he was so... nice... that something didn't seem right.  I had trouble believing his sincerity, and thought maybe he was trying to manipulate me.

I don't have a great track record with men.  Some of my past relationships were with guys who talked down to me or bossed me around, and then I moved on to a charmer who criticized me so much he gave me an ulcer before doing me the favour of cheating and giving me the incentive to move on.  From there, I had a few relationships with guys that I had to walk on eggshells and be careful around, lest I appear too interested and make them feel pressured to commit.  There have been a few relatively good guys mixed in there over the years, but it's fairly safe to say that my expectations are pretty low... which is why I've been single for as long as I have.

But, guy #2 stayed in touch just enough to keep him on my mind without making me feel crowded.   When we are together, he's positive and optimistic.  He pays attention when we talk, and remembers our conversations later.  He talks about (suggests) future plans, as though he has no fear that I'll read between the lines.   If a day goes by without us having a reason to talk, he sends me a quick message, just to let me know I've been on his mind.  And so, even though I questioned him at the beginning, I've been responding to his emails and calls, and going out with him when I can.  It's been good... it's been pretty great, actually.  It's taken a while, but I've come to the conclusion that he really is a genuinely nice guy who simply wants to treat me like I'm something special.

It's early days, no doubt.  We are still getting to know each other and testing the waters.  I'm not sure what will happen with him, but I think it'll be fun to figure it out.    Even more, I've realized that if this is what relationships are supposed to be like, I've been missing out.






ps - "guy #2" isn't a great name.  He got it originally because I was getting to know Dr Sheldon Cooper (AKA Guy #1) when we first got in touch, and he's kept it because he shares a first name with my good friend's husband.  
We were either going to have to go with Your _______ and My _____, or else ____#1 and ____#2.
Right now, it seems presumptuous to call him My ______, so he gets ______#2.

Final Confirmation for Cotton

Cotton dog is NOT in heart failure!!!  He has an enlarged heart and a murmur, but it has not yet progressed to the point that we need to worry.

The problem is with his trachea, which is irritating his throat and causing excessive coughing.  So, we increase his cough inhibitors, and keep a close eye to make sure it doesn't get worse.  In the meantime, all signs indicate that he could be a happy, healthy little dog for a good while yet.

You can't see this, but I have a huge, stupid smile on my face.  I am very happy to hear this news!

Cut and Run...

I went out with the first guy (guy #1) a little over a week ago.  He has called daily, asking when we can go out again since.  We've now gone out three times.

The second guy (guy #2) contacted me the day I first met guy #1.  We have chatted online or talked on the phone almost every day since.  We met on Thursday.  He wants to go out again, but I've been putting him off.

Considering how we met,  I feel as though I'm in the "getting to know" stage, and am not ready to jump into a relationship with either.  Both of them seem to act as though they expect that we're in an exclusive relationship together already, calling daily, texting often and expecting to have top priority on any free time that I might have.

Here's the thing: I've been single for a long time.  I've lived alone for a long time.  While I do want somebody in my life, I cherish my alone time.   I'm "on" all day at work.   I juggle phone calls, emails, texts and IMs, all the while doing my best to act professional, use tact and put my best foot forward.  At the end of the day, I want to crash on the couch in my flannel pjs and confine my social responsibilities to not drooling while within the presence of other human beings.

That, added to my whole proclivity to being shy,  makes the act of going through the motions to get to know these guys a very stressful thing.

I don't like dating.  I love being in a relationship, after I get past the hard part and get to that level of comfort with a guy; but I hate dating.  Some people think it's exciting - I think it's hell.  So, I've been battling my urge to cut and run from these guys.  I've been telling myself that they're good guys, and that I should give them a chance.  Once I get to know them better, I'll know what I want, and if I want to move forward to a relationship with one, it won't be so hard.

Friday night, my phone rang at 7:38 again.  Guy #1 is a man of habit, and always seems to call between 7:45-8:00pm every day.  He wanted to go out on Saturday when I really just needed a day to be on my own.  So, we chatted some more, and he told me more about his job, his life, his hobbies... all of which are very academic, very functional, very routine and very highly scheduled.  Throughout the conversation  I kept coming back to a worrisome idea...   Oh My God, I'm dating Sheldon Cooper.

Or, I guess now I should say I was.  I met him for lunch today, and ended our date by telling him that I didn't think we'd see each other anymore.  It seems I've learned something new about myself - apparently, I crave spontaneity and humour in my relationships.

Update on Cotton

I brought Cotton to a new vet today for a second opinion.  She read through his charts from our usual vet, and then asked me to leave him a few hours so that she could do a complete workup and x-rays.

Conclusion is that he does have an enlarged heart and severe murmur, but it is not bad enough to be causing all the hacking and coughing that he's been doing.  The heart is not putting pressure anywhere near his trachea  and there is no pulmonary edema, as previously assumed.   The x-rays show abnormal whiteness around the oesophagus and at the top of the heart that make her think that he is sick from a bronchial infection.  It's hard to tell that from x-rays of soft tissues, though, and she feels that somebody with more training should review them.  So, the x-rays have been sent to a radiologist for confirmation.  We should hear back next week.

He's still in early stages of heart troubles, and that will need to be treated.  However, if the coughing is a bronchial issue, such as allergies, this is something we can manage.

 ps - the vet expected our appointment to be a quick consult.  I think she booked 15-20 minutes with me.  In the end, she spent nearly 4 hours with either me or Cotton.  I left home for our appointment at 6, and we didn't leave her clinic until almost 10pm.  Pretty amazing, if you ask me, considering that she's never met me before today.

Dear Winter

Rather than coming into the room, turning left to circle the room by jumping from the chair to the dresser to the bookshelves (under the plants, over the printer and then through the used-to-be-organized-pile-of-paper) then launching yourself across the room onto my desk, it might be easier to turn right.  I'm right there, and you can hop on my lap.

Try it some time.  I think you'll like it.

General Thoughts

• If you were like me - and since you're reading my blog I'm going to assume you are - most of your waking thoughts would be about your ailing dog.  You'd be worried that he's suffering, and also scared that his time would come too soon.  You'd tell your boss that you plan to completely lose all sense of dignity, stay home and weep for at least a week when it happens.  At the same time, you'd hope above all hope that there was a way to make him better. 

• Along that lines, I made an appointment to get a second opinion with a new vet.  I've never seen this lady before, but I hear good things about her and would welcome a second opinion.  If she confirms what the first vet said, so be it.  At least I'll know for sure.

• I went on a second date with the guy I wrote about earlier.  He's a nice guy, and he seems to like me.  He wants to go out again.  I haven't said yes, but I haven't said no.  He's just the kind of guy that I feel as though I should be looking for.  He's a "good" solid guy.  On paper, we have a lot of basic fundamentals in common.  Maybe too much.  I'm serious, a little shy and somewhat reserved.  He's serious, a little shy and somewhat reserved.  He worries about the environment (and lives accordingly), and believes in living within his means.  So do I.  Conversation flows easily, but it's serious.   He has not complimented me.  Nor has he touched me in anyway.  

• On Thursday night, I'm going out to dinner with another guy.  He's pretty much the opposite.  Unlike the first guy who is an academic, this guy works in oil and gas.  He's talkative and open.  He likes video games and to tinker with all things mechanical.  He's from rural Manitoba.  (Maybe another generalization that requires a Canadian to understand.)  He already asked me to go to his company Christmas party with him... I declined.  He compliments me.  I don't agree with him, but he made me feel as though he was telling me the truth when he said he thinks I am pretty.  

• Here's the thing: I want somebody who understands why I get so mad when I see big trucks idling in the parking lot.  I want somebody who will reach across the table and take my hand at a restaurant.  I want somebody who agrees that debt is bad, and who is willing to work with me to save towards my goal of retiring early and moving out to a little acreage and living in the boonies.  I want somebody to play scrabble with.  I want to belly laugh.  I don't know either guy well enough to say what they will and won't do, but going through the motions to get to know them is stressing me out.

• If things progress to the point with either of them that they ever learn about this blog, I'm deleting this post.

On the nutjob front...

... a guy contacted me through the dating site a week or so ago.  We chatted a little, but only on a very superficial level.  He said he wasn't comfortable talking online until he met me in person and asked right away if I'd meet him for coffee.  I thought it was a bit premature, and a little odd that he wasn't willing to exchange emails or chat first, so I put him off.  I was also legitimately busy through work, so made him wait until last night.

We didn't talk all week.  Honestly, I almost forgot about our coffee date, and then when I remembered I wondered if we were still on despite the silence... then I realized yesterday afternoon that I'd been eating dal for three days and probably smelled like curry.  Oops.

I told a friend where I was going, and off I went.  He was nice.  A little shy, I think, and quite soft spoken.  He's a prof at the local college, which is why he hadn't wanted to talk to me online until he saw me in person.  He was afraid of being punked by one of his students, which I'm not sure if that's happened before, or if he was just trying to prevent it.

Either way, it went well enough.  I didn't see stars or hear any bells ringing, but he seems like a good, solid guy.   90 minutes went by quickly enough.  It was nice to meet somebody who doesn't work in oil and gas, and who can't in any way be considered a red neck.  (I think you need to live in this area to understand that last statement.)  He asked if I'd go out with him again and I said yes but we didn't make any immediate plans.  I guess I'll have to wait and see if this goes anywhere.  

I meant to...

...start posting more here again.

That's not going so well.  Things are not going so well.  The new job is OK (good).  Cotton is not.  His heart failure is progressing daily, and I will be surprised if he survives until the new year.  There have been many weepy days lately.