More reasons why I'll be single forever

There's been a cold wind out there for a few days, so I've been bundling up to take the dogs out at night. Last night, when had only gotten about a block from home, I started to feel one of my socks slip down my ankle and wad up at the toe of my boot.

I tried to ignore it, but eventually had to do something about it. I grabbed onto a street sign, thinking that I'd take my foot out of my boot, pull up my sock and put my boot back on. Except, when I pulled my foot out of my boot, the sock stayed behind.

Damn.

Did I mention that I was standing on packed snow that had melted and refrozen enough to be solid ice?

So, there I am - on a fairly busy street - hanging onto a street sign with one hand, holding on to Tula's leash with the other, trying to maintain my balance while standing on one foot on ice and flapping my other bare foot in the air. Of course, Tula picked that exact time to decide to chase the headlights of one of the cars that was going by. I gave up on the idea of getting my sock back on, grabbed it from my boot and stuffed my bare foot back in the boot.

The walk was OK after that. Cotton and I were inside of my big coat, which might make me look like the grape from Fruit of the Loom, but is really warm; and Tallulah is impervious to cold. I decided to go a little further than usual.

About 10 blocks from home, Tallulah reached up and tried to take my mitt. I don't like her to carry my down mitts, to I told her no. Then I told her no again, and again. Apparently, I've created a monster by letting her carry my gloves home. She really wanted something to carry.

I remembered my sock, which was still in my pocket, and gave it to her without thinking. Tula was in doggy heaven. Extra long walk and a dirty sock to carry home? It doesn't get much better for a poodle than that.

The human, however, quickly realized her lack of judgment. I imagined how we must look to other (normal) people, but I didn't have the heart to take the sock away. Instead, we slunk home through as many dark alleys as possible, avoiding the streetlights and praying that nobody noticed us... Me, with my purple grape winter coat, with one dog inside of my coat, and the other sporting shiny purple boots while carrying a dirty white sock in her mouth.

If that's not glamorous, I don't know what is.