Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Things I Know to be True

As soon as you open the door tonight to head out to walk your dogs, already feeling cranky because of the lack of progress in restoring your home to its usual controlled chaos after an ever-so-exciting flood, you might see a jack rabbit that's twice the size of  your smallest dog in your front yard.  That dog will do his terrier best to attack and kill said rabbit.  The rabbit will bound around the yard, unable to decide which way to go, and just when your dog seems like he might settle down within this century, the SUV turning the corner will miss the rabbit by *this* much, which causes it to turn around and run straight back towards you and your dogs. The little dog will, of course, fire up again.  Meanwhile, your poodle will realize that she should act excited, even if she hasn't got a clue what's going on, and she'll start to bound around like she's riding a pogo stick.   It won't be long before she'll bounce right on top of the little dog, splattering him on the ground like something from the Bug's Bunny show.  Not to worry, though, because he'll bounce back up like Mohammed Ali, ready to take on the jack russell terrier puppy that he's just seen crossing the middle of your lawn on a fully extended flexi leash.  The puppy will be oblivious to your jerk-wad of a dog, who is pulling on his leash as hard as he can and barking at the top of his very high pitched but loud lungs.   That's right - the puppy will be too busy walking through your gardens on his fully extended leash, and then assuming the position to  drop a load while his unconcerned owner continues on, showing no inclination to clean up after her dog.

Note to self:  This is not the time to approach or talk to the new neighbour who moved in a few houses down over the weekend as they take their new puppy for a stroll.    Pick up your little dog and go back inside.  Take your big dog with you.  Tonight is not a good night to go for a walk in the neighbourhood.


  1. Dear Lord, what a night.
    People absolutely astound me. You have amazing self control not to flip your shit on the neighbor. I am honestly impressed.

  2. The dogs are wonderful, so much enthusiasm and joy. People, however, can be totally clueless. You have more patience than I. I'm afraid I'd have asked her if she'd like a plastic baggie or sheet of newspaper TO PICK UP AFTER HER DOG. And you didn't even walk your dogs to her yard. What control!

  3. People leave me speechless quite often in their ability to be so into themselves and take inconsiderate to its max.

  4. I do love the way you tell a story!

    P.S. What Samantha said.