Saturday, August 11, 2012

The Naked Neighbour...

Saturday night last week, at 5:00pm, I stepped out onto my back deck and made the mistake of turning my head to the right.  There, I saw my next door neighbour in all his glory, stepping into his hot tub naked.  This isn't the first time I've seen this, and while I respect his right for comfort, I really have no desire to see his junk.

A few hours later, the doorbell rang and it was the neighbour.  Honestly, I really thought that he was there to apologize and agree to cover up when outside.  He wasn't.  He was there because he has decided that he wants a concrete curb installed along our property line.  Only, he wanted it installed on my property because he's already planted trees on his side of the line that he doesn't want to move, and he wanted me to pay half.  Honestly, I was in such shock that I said "uh.... ok".

I then clued in, gave him all sorts of reasons why I didn't want it - can't afford it, it would interfere with the french drain that runs along my side of the property line and don't really like them.  He came back with more: he'd limit my cost to $250, he doesn't think the french drain works anyway, the river rock on my property spontaneously jumps over to his yard, and the grass that has sprouted up through the river rock is unsightly.  That last one almost got me.  The truth is, I maybe don't do the best job of ripping the grass out because it's along the side of the house where I never go.  So, I decided to pay the $250 in the name of neighbourly relations.

He's never liked the river rock on my property.... tried to claim last year when the house flooded that the rock on one side of the house caused it.  He's expressed a number of complaints about it since as well.  And, I really, really hate conflict.  I figured that maybe it would just be easier to get the curb and I agreed to let him have his way

And then he knocked on my door the next day.  He said he'd do me a solid, and take that $250 I'd previously promised him.  Instead of the concrete curb, he'd rip out the river rocks and replace it with sod.  He got a resounding no to that, but still went away with the idea that he'd not only convinced me to pay $250 for the concrete curb that he wanted, but that it was going on my side of the property line as well.

I stewed about it for almost a week - lost sleep over it in fact.  Finally, I told a friend about it a couple of days ago, who told me to give my head a shake.  She told me to march over there, and tell him to stuff it.

I didn't do that, but I did knock on his door and advise him that I don't care for the concrete curbs, and that I don't wish to fund his little project.  He reminded me of the jumping rocks, and the spreading grass.  I said that grass is there because he threw seed in the rocks when he was seeding his own lawn and overshot the property line.  He tried to deny it, but I've got the same rock on both sides of the driveway and in the back yard, and no problems with grass anywhere else... nor with jumping rocks.  He couldn't really argue that.

Long story short, I don't have to pay $250 for concrete I don't want, and he's gonna get rid of the grass for me.  Now, if I can just convince him to invest in a pair of swim trunks, life will be golden.

Maybe I'll buy him a speedo, and leave it anonymously at his door.


  1. OMG, too funny. Instead of a speedo, I would recommend long trunks and maybe even a robe!

  2. EEEEWWWWWWW! You never want to see your neighbor's Johnson.